Shadow!!!

I stand petrified and terrified, 
looking at my shadow...
"What have i Done?"
What do I do??
Thoughts are crazy but the words have said
I know of none
for my feeling flutter
and my world stutters

The relationship I treasured
I loved and i cherished
seem to have drifted
by those mere words, that have cared for none!!!

I repent, I regret, I care now!!!
 But, the damage has scared
I broke a heart that i tended so long
I roam in the deep alleys of the past, 
hoping for a glimmer of hope and the warmth of love

I pray, I will care for the words I say
I dare not break my tender heard
for I stand petrified and terrified looking at my shadow
feeling lonely and cold
for the warmth of love and tender
with the only companion being my shadow (ego)!!!

Vice

How hard I try to stay away from a vice, i am back working with it.  The harder I think to be away from it, the closer I seem to get.

On the contrary, when I am onto something new, I tend to forget anbout it and I am at peace untill I realize that I am missing something in my life. It may sound so funny but the reality is that I do not have to try too hard.  It is a part of life. 

So the question that I tend to ask is, so what is a vice?? Is it something that I spend most of the time and at the end get nothing out of it apart from off course the guilt of doing the vice. But I do accept that at the end of this nothingness I am left with s hollow guilt for which I may tend to hate myself.

The most amazing part that in spite of knowing all this... I still end of being a slave to the vice. Oh man!!!

Now let me stop worrying and start something new...

The Crossroads

The crossroads, I go by
Seem like a churn in the ocean
Making me wonder, which way to go
The turbulence I feel, is so much for me to wonder

The choices I make,
Are for me to carry…
The burden of failure
Is for me to wonder
I pause at the crossroad, and feel the churn

I laugh, I cry and I go dry
where to go and I wonder
The options are many,
But, I can think of none
At every crossroad, I feel the churn

The only option, that I miss
is to look back and run
to my old comfort from where I come
I urge to move and make one more choice,
But, at every crossroad, there is a churn

Love is complex :)

My 5 year old son was watching a Hindi Movie.. all of a sudden he asks;

Son - Dad, The lady is an enemy, why does she love the hero.

Me - Son, Love has no boundaries. (Felt, I answered a world economic forum question)

Son - Oh, love is so complex..

Me - Aaaaa... actually No, 

I was baffled, and failed to even explain what Love is and only hope he grows up to understand it better, in human language terms.

The only good part is that, he at present experiences the love in its most purest form. No boundaries, no second thoughts, no blocks, just "Unconditional Love"... I just hope it remains as such and does not change (What to do, Parents tend to think utopian state!!!)

We seem to have got our definition of love so complicated, that we miss the purity in it with time. The question that does often surprise is, why and when did I loose it and got corrupted, or do I still have that in some corner of my old self...

Little Beauty Spots

They always say, "Little things in life are so beautiful and worth holding on to". I always used to cherish the small wins and happiness that I go through in my life... They have been my treasure and am sure will always be.. Little that I realized that the nature has a similar beauty to add to that line above and I find it so so nice to explore that too...

With my shutterbug, I recently realized that the weeds and wild grasses around which we always want to clean off; could be so so beautiful... Have you ever noticed the little yellow white little flowers growing at the side of the road or those beautiful violet / blue flowers??... some of them are real stunners... The vibrancy of colours are just striking and then you have these little colourful bugs that come out on these little beauties as the earth is splashed with nice chill water from heavens. It is a treat to watch. Some of them are so tiny that one misses to see them at the first site.. The blue flower above would be hardly 1/2 cm, but look at those lovely white spots on the petals. They seem to be like  beauty spots. 

 

For me they really take me off to a different land and I think I would keep exploring more and more of these tiny little beauties... Love and life is all around, one just needs to have an open eyes..

Relations.. self defined

Last month was a very revealing month for me from many directions. There had been a lot of introspection  both individually as well as in a group at Goa. While doing so, happen to be on the beach in the evenings when there was time. While doing so, happened to see a Father - daughter strolling down the beach. The innocence that the two portrayed, defined a lot to me. It was as if they had a world drawn beautifully by them. Father had rolled up his pants to avoid wetting his pants, while his daughter holding his hands tight while feeling the splash of the water at her feet. As the water would come in and move back, the stability that father gave to his little girl was amazing. They seem to be crafting a world out there on their own.

It did tell me the essence of trust, faith and beyond all a security that one looks for. But the question that lingered in my mind was, do we extend that beyond the close relations that we build or does it wash away with the moments that we spend and forget... For me it did have a very deep impact on the way I look at the world and what it shares with me...

I think it is for each one to feel what they think of the relations around them. Is it just the moment one spends or is it the life beyond the horizon where the relation could extend to....